Abortion, such an ugly word

 

Abortion, such an ugly word, so ugly we don’t talk about it with each other.  We rather choose to beat each other up with it.  It’s ugly for a reason

Abortion, it’s all in how you look at it and I pray we do just that
Abortion, an act of violence chosen in response to terror

Compassion, the pride of righteousness is replaced with the solution of life and the offering of support beyond the termination of the problem. Eventually the shoe always does drop and with choice comes consequence
Compassion, Gods gift to respond to another not merely react to their pain

Hypocrisy, when we shout down each other for shouting down each other
Hypocrisy, when the bullied becomes the bully
Hypocrisy, when we profess to be the champion for the less fortunate yet choose the more convenient way, in the attempt to silent the silent
Hypocrisy, who can scream the loudest while victimizing the victim wins the argument

I pray we look beyond the right to choose
And research why and what we have to loose
I think we get so caught up in the act of fight
That we know not what is the true plight
Sometimes we’re quick to judge another
Flaunt our righteousness in protection of sister/brother
Arguments screamed in high volume
In the hopes that doing so, the agenda you must consume
The fight to right the injustice to all?
Loses it’s merit when discussion is not brought out to call

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Pondering Poetic

Mark 9:24
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”

For sometime i have believed
In Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the trinity in one
A leap of faith, the spirit led
Where the search had been so long
Never did I question Him from the time i first believed
But oh how i did question self, knowing full well the heart deceived

In that, is where God loves us past the doubts within ourselves
And into his amazing grace where He heals us into soul
Where tears of life in grief and joy, we move beyond the cries of fear
He loves us as we gasp for air in the panic of life’s mid-fall
Praise God, for the breath of faith He offers us each all

Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”

Where have all the unborn gone
Long time passing
Where have all the unborn gone
All those many souls

Does the soul come with our first breath
Upon the beating of our hearts
Or does it come in His breath
From where each soul finds start

Conception to creation of soul
That is meant to be
This I believe comes before
What we are meant to see

I believe within that heart that beats
Has already a soul been formed
And not one to terminate but rather celebrate
The miracle has been performed

Psalm 139:13-14

I share my story in hopes another woman will not have to share hers
I share my story because in my youth I chose to end a life.

As a teenager in the 70’s I was kind of a wild child. Actually I was a wild non-conforming geek, with little to no self esteem. At sixteen I wanted no one to tell me what to do. At the same time, if you offered to love me/like me I would do whatever you asked. If you loved me enough, maybe I could love me too.

Just after turning 16 I met a boy who told me he liked me. I just knew he would love me if I gave him whatever he wanted. So, an emotionally immature child had sex to force someone to love her and with that decision came a lifetime of regret.
With that decision I forced myself to make a choice no mother should ever make.
With that decision I chose to abort/terminate/kill my child. With that decision, I have carried 43yrs of painful remorse.

Back in the 1970’s Roe vs Wade had just come to be and I wish to God it had not. I believe because abortion was so newly legalized “those is charge” were “loose cannons” and not prepared to counsel but rather (and I lived it and saw it) to bring the the lambs to slaughter.

When I had told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he wanted to know who the father was? He also dumped me so hard my dad threatened to physically put the hurt on him. My poor parents, mom told me she would support me whatever I decided. My dad felt different. He wanted me to go back to normal (poor dad he didn’t seem to get it, that normal was not an option). He thought, now that abortion was legal, we could terminate the problem and get on with life. I was so immature and had no idea the choice I made would forever change me. I couldn’t see that there were those waiting to assist me in the choice to murder my child.

At just about 12 weeks my mother took me to a local Dr. The Dr. for whatever reason told me I was far enough along that I would have to wait until I was seventeen weeks. I was so stupid and to this day I do not understand what the heck happened. I was a kid who didn’t know anything of sex except, I thought it could get you love. I had no idea as to what this Dr. was talking about.

Now I will interject here, that before the final decision to abort was made I had one teacher who was kind enough to tell me, there were places for girls like me to go and have their babies. As a selfish teenager I could only think of myself not wanting to give up my unstable teenage life, I chose what I thought was the easy way out.
I went in at 17 weeks (my sister had said I was farther along than that, apparently I have still chosen to not be able to remember) pregnant to have a late term abortion. I remember a fifteen year old girl in the room also that day. The Dr. inserted a needle into our abdomens I have always thought he injected our children with saline? All I remember is both of us went through labor and that the Dr. laid my dead son on my tummy. It was all very matter of fact to him, it seemed.

Back to why I have chosen to share this story. I carried the shame of this horror for many years before I discussed it with anyone other than my sister.  I never wanted to exploit my dead son and I thought if I never spoke of it, I was somehow protecting him. The reality is I did not protect him but I have the chance to protect other children and women.
Six  years ago I attended a Christian led group full of many other women who also had lived the horror that comes with the choice to abort. It was so painful to admit to and relive the choices we all made. As I sat in the group I just couldn’t get over how many other women were suffering and missing the children we chose not to have.
Again I must interject, I have always been a person who does not want anybody telling me what to do. I was such a liberal, once upon a time. So I understand fully why people want to make their own choices. But I also understand that with choice must come honesty. If you choose to abort, you choose to murder and with that comes a pain you will live with the rest of your life.
If the heartbeat of a fetus is detectable at 6 weeks and I believe brain waves are as well, it is in my opinion murder if you choose to end that life?   As one who did make that choice I will tell you, you may eliminate a child’s physical presence, you will most likely also feel the sense of relief in thinking your burden has been lifted.  The reality is however that many feel that child’s presence in pain the rest of their lives.  The relief is replaced by shock, numbness, guilt, loss and shame.  It is odd how in life we can miss something so much that we chose not to have.

My prayer is that we choose to educate and no longer terminate. As our children struggle with the many issues that come with adolescence, educate them as to the realities that come with the choices they make.
My prayer is that we cultivate a revival of respect. I believe as we encourage our young to respect others, they in turn develop self-respect which is needed to make responsible choices in life.
My prayer is that we adults celebrate the moral responsibility that we are obliged to carry.

Again I share my story, not to judge you but to save another women from the aftermath of pain that comes with abortion.
I share my story for the countless unborn children and I pray someday the holocaust we continue to inflict ends.

God  ALWAYS manages to take the dark and ugly and brings it into the light of His beauty.