Fear to FAITH, Survival to LIFE

Matthew 15: 31
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter. Jesus said, “Your faith is small. Why did you doubt”.

It’s been a year and half since breast cancer surgery. I consider my surgery date my other birthday. From the beginning  I wasn’t just leaning into God through my fears, I had jumped in his arms and prayed with great fervor through many, many tears. Forever grateful am I, this child of His.

I was the energizer bunny during the first year of treatment. I kept on going and going and going and thumping my little drum all along the way. I was sooooo grateful, time was a borrowed gift and I had no more to waste.
I was surrounded by beautiful, wise women who each had their own life’s ordeals to find their way through. I knew the support of others was so needed and had decided from the start to take full advantage of everything  available to me. The local cancer network offered many tools to aid through the treatment process, one of which came in the form of a personal trainer through the YWCA. I’m not a joiner by nature but count me in and I loved working out and laughing with the ladies. It was amazing to witness the ability to stretch our human spirit in order to strengthen physically and emotionally.
As said I was going, going, going until all of a sudden the energy was gone, gone, gone. I got a little depressed when the last 6 month check-up came my way. I had a few things on the happ’s besides the annual mammogram and it was taking a toll. I talked to my friend Janie who explained she thinks we operate on adrenaline while in survival mode. I had not thought of that but it sure made sense. I had hit the adrenaline rush wall, was in a funk and stepped back into fear. But this time it was different, I realized I didn’t want to just survive (because sometimes we don’t). There is the real chance cancer does return and there are those who live with ongoing treatment. Both during cancer and then after cancer we are changed, post trauma issues can come as we try our best to survive our survival. We do have the choice in our ability to survive the trauma, LIVE our lives and not doubt His hand is within our reach. Or live in the fear that tears our joy away as it reminds of our mortality. I choose to LIVE in joy, move through the fears and beyond me to Him.
I continue to pray for the best of medicinal treatments in order to eliminate any cancers from the body.
I continue to pray for more options offered and honored in how best to treat cancer.
I continue to pray we are not debilitated by cancer but through miracle motivated to reach out to those who’ve been there, done that and maybe still are.
I continue to pray for healing of faith where doubt is nothing but a memory stepped on to see closer to His face.5536CC72-F8C3-4684-BE39-2BCD88BB767F Continue reading

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With Eyes Wide Shut

 

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus told His disciples, if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

I do not see, because i choose to see not
With eyes wide shut, the soul to rot
My God, my God I cry to thee
As He continues to reach beyond the me
In the attempt for self, I’m brought to my knees
It is from the broken and battered
His compassion, our heart best sees
In Him I praise His full embrace
He held me close as I turned my face
Never to leave me in the dark
He shines a light that leaves His mark
And now I see, from where compassion grows
It is through His grace that mercy shows
I praise you Father for the gift in sight
And loving me through my own might

 

 

photosunsetjanet

My RIGHT To Know LIFE

Life’s lines get blurred when objective is lost
Many say my rights are of the utmost concern
Why then not counsel before such great cost
Not a decision made lightly, the truth to discern

Offer me solution, without destroying another
Tell me the truth as to what to expect
When offered the choice to abort me as mother
The expulsion of life, to relieve my regret

My anguish and panic are not for abuse
Not to be caught in agenda, while fact not disclosed
The remnant of child kept silent, as part of the ruse
Compassion means more, when life’s not opposed

If truly my rights are of the utmost concern
Truth be told please, in full disclosure
When does the rhythm of heartbeat on, turn
Life’s lines less blurred when in light of exposure

One step forward, two steps back, Prayers in faith, may we never lack

Ephesians 6:13
“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand”.

One step forward and two steps back
Prayers in faith, may we not ever lack
The path not straight by human eye
But you see past our self-bent cry

Stepping into you, robed in love
Wearing you, in prayer to rise above
When all the world begs us to fall
The beckoning of your love does call

Wrapped in Christ, armored in glory
His perfect walk, the truth in story
Stepping beyond the world at large
In you alone we give full charge

We pray we find in you, our way
When lost mid-step and in dismay
One step forward and two steps back
Prayers in faith, may we not ever lack

Beyond the Heart Undone

Mathew 29:34
Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to God and the Father of Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

In action all our deed should be
It say’s the most of Him in me
Gesture in the simplest form
Listening from a heart that’s torn

His light shines bright from the darkest place
Where we often are tempted to hide our face
He never does not light our way
If in our hearts we ask Him to stay

Help me Father to remain silently true
Your loves speaks beyond those who knew
Never will you abandon a one
Who asks you into the heart undone

Abortion, such an ugly word

 

Abortion, such an ugly word, so ugly we don’t talk about it with each other.  We rather choose to beat each other up with it.  It’s ugly for a reason

Abortion, it’s all in how you look at it and I pray we do just that
Abortion, an act of violence chosen in response to terror

Compassion, the pride of righteousness is replaced with the solution of life and the offering of support beyond the termination of the problem. Eventually the shoe always does drop and with choice comes consequence
Compassion, Gods gift to respond to another not merely react to their pain

Hypocrisy, when we shout down each other for shouting down each other
Hypocrisy, when the bullied becomes the bully
Hypocrisy, when we profess to be the champion for the less fortunate yet choose the more convenient way, in the attempt to silent the silent
Hypocrisy, who can scream the loudest while victimizing the victim wins the argument

I pray we look beyond the right to choose
And research why and what we have to loose
I think we get so caught up in the act of fight
That we know not what is the true plight
Sometimes we’re quick to judge another
Flaunt our righteousness in protection of sister/brother
Arguments screamed in high volume
In the hopes that doing so, the agenda you must consume
The fight to right the injustice to all?
Loses it’s merit when discussion is not brought out to call

Pondering Poetic

Mark 9:24
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”

For sometime i have believed
In Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the trinity in one
A leap of faith, the spirit led
Where the search had been so long
Never did I question Him from the time i first believed
But oh how i did question self, knowing full well the heart deceived

In that, is where God loves us past the doubts within ourselves
And into his amazing grace where He heals us into soul
Where tears of life in grief and joy, we move beyond the cries of fear
He loves us as we gasp for air in the panic of life’s mid-fall
Praise God, for the breath of faith He offers us each all

Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”

Where have all the unborn gone
Long time passing
Where have all the unborn gone
All those many souls

Does the soul come with our first breath
Upon the beating of our hearts
Or does it come in His breath
From where each soul finds start

Conception to creation of soul
That is meant to be
This I believe comes before
What we are meant to see

I believe within that heart that beats
Has already a soul been formed
And not one to terminate but rather celebrate
The miracle has been performed