Guilt into Love in Action

horizonHebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Selfish is guilt, when used in the noun
Silently stagnate until in verb form
No movement or action, no motivation beyond
The dark place of shame for some is the norm

Or maybe in self, where justification is rule
We reach out for reason in hopes to deny
Where our failures we choose to fiercely defend
No need to look out from the souls inner eye

Thank God for the peace where repentance is gift
Where guilt moves into action and forgiveness is key
The evolvement of life pushes noun into verb
Life into change, guilt to compassion in Him meant to be

One step forward, two steps back, Prayers in faith, may we never lack

Ephesians 6:13
“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand”.

One step forward and two steps back
Prayers in faith, may we not ever lack
The path not straight by human eye
But you see past our self-bent cry

Stepping into you, robed in love
Wearing you, in prayer to rise above
When all the world begs us to fall
The beckoning of your love does call

Wrapped in Christ, armored in glory
His perfect walk, the truth in story
Stepping beyond the world at large
In you alone we give full charge

We pray we find in you, our way
When lost mid-step and in dismay
One step forward and two steps back
Prayers in faith, may we not ever lack

Beyond the Heart Undone

Mathew 29:34
Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to God and the Father of Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

In action all our deed should be
It say’s the most of Him in me
Gesture in the simplest form
Listening from a heart that’s torn

His light shines bright from the darkest place
Where we often are tempted to hide our face
He never does not light our way
If in our hearts we ask Him to stay

Help me Father to remain silently true
Your loves speaks beyond those who knew
Never will you abandon a one
Who asks you into the heart undone

Abortion, such an ugly word

 

Abortion, such an ugly word, so ugly we don’t talk about it with each other.  We rather choose to beat each other up with it.  It’s ugly for a reason

Abortion, it’s all in how you look at it and I pray we do just that
Abortion, an act of violence chosen in response to terror

Compassion, the pride of righteousness is replaced with the solution of life and the offering of support beyond the termination of the problem. Eventually the shoe always does drop and with choice comes consequence
Compassion, Gods gift to respond to another not merely react to their pain

Hypocrisy, when we shout down each other for shouting down each other
Hypocrisy, when the bullied becomes the bully
Hypocrisy, when we profess to be the champion for the less fortunate yet choose the more convenient way, in the attempt to silent the silent
Hypocrisy, who can scream the loudest while victimizing the victim wins the argument

I pray we look beyond the right to choose
And research why and what we have to loose
I think we get so caught up in the act of fight
That we know not what is the true plight
Sometimes we’re quick to judge another
Flaunt our righteousness in protection of sister/brother
Arguments screamed in high volume
In the hopes that doing so, the agenda you must consume
The fight to right the injustice to all?
Loses it’s merit when discussion is not brought out to call

Easter Miracle

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

The miracles are coming
But they’ve been here the whole time
In the brokenness of spirit
Where He calls us each, His mine

The miracles are coming
In the peace where pain resides
Only His love remains constant
In Him alone I hide

The miracles are coming
Never alone I need to be
Praise God for His omnipotence
His gift of Son for Me

Praise

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus told His disciples, if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

I do not see, because i choose to see not
With eyes wide shut, the soul to rot
My God, my God I cry to thee
As He continues to reach beyond the me
In the attempt for self, I’m brought to my knees
Where, from the broken and battered
His compassion, our heart best sees
In Him I praise His full embrace
He held me close as I turned my face
Never to leave me in the dark
He shines a light that leaves His mark
And now I see, from where compassion grows
It is through His grace that mercy shows
I praise you Father for the gift in sight
And loving me through my own might

The praise of peace
The peace in praise
Inside the heart is Jesus raised
The ransom paid in love the cost
So that my soul may not be lost
I praise the peace in Him alone
Forgiven sins He did atone
In peace He holds me close to thee
In praise I pray to constant bedaylily at home

 

Psalm 139:13-14

I share my story in hopes another woman will not have to share hers
I share my story because in my youth I chose to end a life.

As a teenager in the 70’s I was kind of a wild child. Actually I was a wild non-conforming geek, with little to no self esteem. At sixteen I wanted no one to tell me what to do. At the same time, if you offered to love me/like me I would do whatever you asked. If you loved me enough, maybe I could love me too.

Just after turning 16 I met a boy who told me he liked me. I just knew he would love me if I gave him whatever he wanted. So, an emotionally immature child had sex to force someone to love her and with that decision came a lifetime of regret.
With that decision I forced myself to make a choice no mother should ever make.
With that decision I chose to abort/terminate/kill my child. With that decision, I have carried 43yrs of painful remorse.

Back in the 1970’s Roe vs Wade had just come to be and I wish to God it had not. I believe because abortion was so newly legalized “those is charge” were “loose cannons” and not prepared to counsel but rather (and I lived it and saw it) to bring the the lambs to slaughter.

When I had told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he wanted to know who the father was? He also dumped me so hard my dad threatened to physically put the hurt on him. My poor parents, mom told me she would support me whatever I decided. My dad felt different. He wanted me to go back to normal (poor dad he didn’t seem to get it, that normal was not an option). He thought, now that abortion was legal, we could terminate the problem and get on with life. I was so immature and had no idea the choice I made would forever change me. I couldn’t see that there were those waiting to assist me in the choice to murder my child.

At just about 12 weeks my mother took me to a local Dr. The Dr. for whatever reason told me I was far enough along that I would have to wait until I was seventeen weeks. I was so stupid and to this day I do not understand what the heck happened. I was a kid who didn’t know anything of sex except, I thought it could get you love. I had no idea as to what this Dr. was talking about.

Now I will interject here, that before the final decision to abort was made I had one teacher who was kind enough to tell me, there were places for girls like me to go and have their babies. As a selfish teenager I could only think of myself not wanting to give up my unstable teenage life, I chose what I thought was the easy way out.
I went in at 17 weeks (my sister had said I was farther along than that, apparently I have still chosen to not be able to remember) pregnant to have a late term abortion. I remember a fifteen year old girl in the room also that day. The Dr. inserted a needle into our abdomens I have always thought he injected our children with saline? All I remember is both of us went through labor and that the Dr. laid my dead son on my tummy. It was all very matter of fact to him, it seemed.

Back to why I have chosen to share this story. I carried the shame of this horror for many years before I discussed it with anyone other than my sister.  I never wanted to exploit my dead son and I thought if I never spoke of it, I was somehow protecting him. The reality is I did not protect him but I have the chance to protect other children and women.
Six  years ago I attended a Christian led group full of many other women who also had lived the horror that comes with the choice to abort. It was so painful to admit to and relive the choices we all made. As I sat in the group I just couldn’t get over how many other women were suffering and missing the children we chose not to have.
Again I must interject, I have always been a person who does not want anybody telling me what to do. I was such a liberal, once upon a time. So I understand fully why people want to make their own choices. But I also understand that with choice must come honesty. If you choose to abort, you choose to murder and with that comes a pain you will live with the rest of your life.
If the heartbeat of a fetus is detectable at 6 weeks and I believe brain waves are as well, it is in my opinion murder if you choose to end that life?   As one who did make that choice I will tell you, you may eliminate a child’s physical presence, you will most likely also feel the sense of relief in thinking your burden has been lifted.  The reality is however that many feel that child’s presence in pain the rest of their lives.  The relief is replaced by shock, numbness, guilt, loss and shame.  It is odd how in life we can miss something so much that we chose not to have.

My prayer is that we choose to educate and no longer terminate. As our children struggle with the many issues that come with adolescence, educate them as to the realities that come with the choices they make.
My prayer is that we cultivate a revival of respect. I believe as we encourage our young to respect others, they in turn develop self-respect which is needed to make responsible choices in life.
My prayer is that we adults celebrate the moral responsibility that we are obliged to carry.

Again I share my story, not to judge you but to save another women from the aftermath of pain that comes with abortion.
I share my story for the countless unborn children and I pray someday the holocaust we continue to inflict ends.

God  ALWAYS manages to take the dark and ugly and brings it into the light of His beauty.

Oh Brother, I Know Where Art Thou

daylily at home
Not too long ago one of my brothers died.
There are four of us kids total, two girls, two boys with one less temporarily.

I’ve been writing about my brother in the last couple of posts.
I will most likely continue to write about my brother for sometime to come.

I believe very strongly that love is never broken. I believe just as much that our loved ones who loved us so, would want us to live, learn and grow in love from their living into death.

This is just the start of acknowledgement to what I learned from my brother;

1. Hate less and love more. For me Christ is love and because I know my brother is now with Jesus, I get much comfort from this.

2. Waste no time getting caught up in petty behavior, whether it be your own or anothers, just don’t do it! It’s usually hurtful to all and so not productive!!!!

3. Say what you mean and mean what you say (I just love this one, because I hate manipulation but have been known to do it).

4. Do not live as if in fear. The worst that can happen is that you try and fail. I think in my brother’s book, it was better to have the guts to fail than to never try at all. My brother was one courageous man and lived life as an adventure.

5. Your family may not be close at hand but love them, praise them, correct them (on occasion) as if they are. Your family is everything Christ has gifted you.

6. For my brother this was his first and foremost lesson for those of us who loved him so. My brother loved his spouse more than life itself. He lived a life where his love for another came before any of his own needs.

Thank you Mike for all you were and all you continue to be.

Served Raw, Organic and Loved!!!!!!

ImageI’m writing this (organic style), raw and that ain’t always pretty but it in raw is honesty

My writing this evening is in regards to love. God’s great gift to us, I feel is love (grace, hope, prayer)

At the same time love is SCARY. I for one have had a passive aggressive relationship with love my whole life.

As a child I loved with all my heart my parents, grandparents and siblings. They were my first loves and I adored each

and every one of them. In my mind and heart my grandparents never let me down. My siblings, I let down but they did not me.

My parents I loved so much, that they had no chance in reality to measure up to what i wanted them to be.

Freakin expectations they get me in trouble every single time.

As I’ve aged, it is those expectations I so strongly try to avoid. I have come to the conclusion that expectations are the total contradiction to both the giving and receiving of love.

For me I totally and absolutely believe there are those of us who are love crippled. At the same time I believe those of us who now know, believe and feel the love of Jesus have a total responsiblity to ensure. that all those other crippled souls realize it’s all temporary and that the reality is “love is ongoing through our love of and from God’s Son.

We each have our story to tell. I’ve lived long and hard enough to share, I have not all the answers but i do know it is only through Jesus, for me that now love is no longer so much the passive aggressive thing.  Through Jesus, have the gratitude for a love like none I have but grown into.

Praise God for that!!!!!

It’s True, You Are What You Eat

ethansturkey

It’s true you are what you eat and I’ll totally own the fact that I am one big ole turkey, but a grateful one!!!!
So I thought I would take a minute and jot down just a partial gratitude list.
Here goes;

1. Numero uno on my gratitude list is the NUMERO UNO in my life, Jesus.
After many, many, many, did I say many years of doing it my way and thinking I was alone, I now know I haven’t been alone not one day in my life. My God, that is first and foremost on my gratitude list has had this crippled child’s heart and soul close at hand always.

2. So grateful for the wonderful children, husband, grandchildren and all the rest of the family that my father has blessed me with. They’re so crazy and own it like I would most certainly expect them to do. I adore each and every one of this bunch and ask myself many times why father has blessed me with so much love, when it took me so long to learn how to. Again that would be a for sure gratitude winner.

3. I’m grateful for even as a small child knowing there is much power through prayer. What an immense love God has for us, that he allows us hope through the grace of prayer. Thank You!!!!!

4. Gotta get just wee bit silly here and say how very grateful I am, that Father didn’t make me a “Fox”, cuz I’m telling you now he’s always known I would be the least humble attractive person on planet earth. I would probably go big hair, big lip, big boobs, BIG HEAD on you all and not even I would be able to stand me.

5. Needless to say I’m grateful for our home and the need to keep it home for those many blessings of family, friends and loved ones.

This Thanksgiving in our home I will force my children, spouse, grandchildren and any other soul who enters the door to endure at least a years worth of home movies. I live to hear the whining that comes along with me breakin out my beloved video camera. There will be good eats, games (maybe a little trash talk), dancing in a conga line and most importantly love.
I’m gonna keep on owning my turkey status and gobble up every bit of laughter, warmth of heart, joy and love I can get.

What are you grateful for today?