Fear to FAITH, Survival to LIFE

Matthew 15: 31
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter. Jesus said, “Your faith is small. Why did you doubt”.

It’s been a year and half since breast cancer surgery. I consider my surgery date my other birthday. From the beginning  I wasn’t just leaning into God through my fears, I had jumped in his arms and prayed with great fervor through many, many tears. Forever grateful am I, this child of His.

I was the energizer bunny during the first year of treatment. I kept on going and going and going and thumping my little drum all along the way. I was sooooo grateful, time was a borrowed gift and I had no more to waste.
I was surrounded by beautiful, wise women who each had their own life’s ordeals to find their way through. I knew the support of others was so needed and had decided from the start to take full advantage of everything  available to me. The local cancer network offered many tools to aid through the treatment process, one of which came in the form of a personal trainer through the YWCA. I’m not a joiner by nature but count me in and I loved working out and laughing with the ladies. It was amazing to witness the ability to stretch our human spirit in order to strengthen physically and emotionally.
As said I was going, going, going until all of a sudden the energy was gone, gone, gone. I got a little depressed when the last 6 month check-up came my way. I had a few things on the happ’s besides the annual mammogram and it was taking a toll. I talked to my friend Janie who explained she thinks we operate on adrenaline while in survival mode. I had not thought of that but it sure made sense. I had hit the adrenaline rush wall, was in a funk and stepped back into fear. But this time it was different, I realized I didn’t want to just survive (because sometimes we don’t). There is the real chance cancer does return and there are those who live with ongoing treatment. Both during cancer and then after cancer we are changed, post trauma issues can come as we try our best to survive our survival. We do have the choice in our ability to survive the trauma, LIVE our lives and not doubt His hand is within our reach. Or live in the fear that tears our joy away as it reminds of our mortality. I choose to LIVE in joy, move through the fears and beyond me to Him.
I continue to pray for the best of medicinal treatments in order to eliminate any cancers from the body.
I continue to pray for more options offered and honored in how best to treat cancer.
I continue to pray we are not debilitated by cancer but through miracle motivated to reach out to those who’ve been there, done that and maybe still are.
I continue to pray for healing of faith where doubt is nothing but a memory stepped on to see closer to His face.5536CC72-F8C3-4684-BE39-2BCD88BB767F Continue reading

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My RIGHT To Know LIFE

Life’s lines get blurred when objective is lost
Many say my rights are of the utmost concern
Why then not counsel before such great cost
Not a decision made lightly, the truth to discern

Offer me solution, without destroying another
Tell me the truth as to what to expect
When offered the choice to abort me as mother
The expulsion of life, to relieve my regret

My anguish and panic are not for abuse
Not to be caught in agenda, while fact not disclosed
The remnant of child kept silent, as part of the ruse
Compassion means more, when life’s not opposed

If truly my rights are of the utmost concern
Truth be told please, in full disclosure
When does the rhythm of heartbeat on turn?
Objective not lost, lines not a blur, life through creation, forever pure

Beyond the Heart Undone

Mathew 29:34
Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to God and the Father of Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

In action all our deed should be
It say’s the most of Him in me
Gesture in the simplest form
Listening from a heart that’s torn

His light shines bright from the darkest place
Where we often are tempted to hide our face
He never does not light our way
If in our hearts we ask Him to stay

Help me Father to remain silently true
Your loves speaks beyond those who knew
Never will you abandon a one
Who asks you into the heart undone

“windows are not made for looking out but more for looking in.”

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When I was a child I had my Dottie She was my salvation. I loved her, I adored her and I miss her to this day. Dorothy Kathryn Jenkins (Mobley) was my grandmother. God really broke the mold with Dot. … Continue reading

Crossing the Moon River

Norma Joanne was 80yrs old when she crossed the “Moon River”. She had pneumonia for the third time and had been in a hospice for almost two weeks.

While I am so grateful I have not had to experience hospice. I am also beyond grateful it existed for my mother and those of us who loved her so.

There are no words to truly express what it is like to watch someone die. It is agony to see your love one slip in and out of consciousness.

There were so many silent prayers between others and us who knew and loved her.
I believe my mother is now in the arms of Jesus but watching the process of her inevitable crossing was only made possible through a whole lot of love.

The love we had for mom, the love she had for us and the love we have for each other. It was because of the concerned and caring staff within the hospice that we were able to wrap ourselves up in all of it.

They made sure our mother was not in pain and watched over her diligently.
We too felt their compassion for us. I could tell they saw our mother through us crazy kids and I did so want to represent her well.

Our mother loved music, “Moon River” being her favorite. We sat in that room playing the CD player and being as comforted as we hope she was by the soothing sound of Nat King Cole’s “unforgettable”. My sister and brother danced hand in hand. I will never forget that sight of mom smiling as my sister knocked over the pitcher of water sitting at the foot of her bed.
The staff allowed us to be our mother’s kids and seemed to understand when we needed to make fun of each other, laugh and cry. It was a place of love and that is how we all wanted mom to go out surrounded by love and into more of it.

In closing I just wanted to say thank you to Michelle, Janice, Ashley, Chandra, Tim, Cassie, MaryLou, Dr. Sapp all the rest of you who work so hard and care so much. Donna, thank you for being with her at the end.
I will never forget your kindness. In the words of my mother, “you’re sweethearts.”

norma