Matthew 15: 31
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter. Jesus said, “Your faith is small. Why did you doubt”.
It’s been a year and half since breast cancer surgery. I consider my surgery date my other birthday. From the beginning I wasn’t just leaning into God through my fears, I had jumped in his arms and prayed with great fervor through many, many tears. Forever grateful am I, this child of His.
I was the energizer bunny during the first year of treatment. I kept on going and going and going and thumping my little drum all along the way. I was sooooo grateful, time was a borrowed gift and I had no more to waste.
I was surrounded by beautiful, wise women who each had their own life’s ordeals to find their way through. I knew the support of others was so needed and had decided from the start to take full advantage of everything available to me. The local cancer network offered many tools to aid through the treatment process, one of which came in the form of a personal trainer through the YWCA. I’m not a joiner by nature but count me in and I loved working out and laughing with the ladies. It was amazing to witness the ability to stretch our human spirit in order to strengthen physically and emotionally.
As said I was going, going, going until all of a sudden the energy was gone, gone, gone. I got a little depressed when the last 6 month check-up came my way. I had a few things on the happ’s besides the annual mammogram and it was taking a toll. I talked to my friend Janie who explained she thinks we operate on adrenaline while in survival mode. I had not thought of that but it sure made sense. I had hit the adrenaline rush wall, was in a funk and stepped back into fear. But this time it was different, I realized I didn’t want to just survive (because sometimes we don’t). There is the real chance cancer does return and there are those who live with ongoing treatment. Both during cancer and then after cancer we are changed, post trauma issues can come as we try our best to survive our survival. We do have the choice in our ability to survive the trauma, LIVE our lives and not doubt His hand is within our reach. Or live in the fear that tears our joy away as it reminds of our mortality. I choose to LIVE in joy, move through the fears and beyond me to Him.
I continue to pray for the best of medicinal treatments in order to eliminate any cancers from the body.
I continue to pray for more options offered and honored in how best to treat cancer.
I continue to pray we are not debilitated by cancer but through miracle motivated to reach out to those who’ve been there, done that and maybe still are.
I continue to pray for healing of faith where doubt is nothing but a memory stepped on to see closer to His face.